Smiling when heart is actually shrinking.

I expected that today would be so wonderful. But, obviously, IT IS NOT.  

Friends, I won't say or wrote this thingy too long till make you guys bored to death. No worries. I'll try to make it short, just simple, and understandable.

I already knew it for so long but today, I finally understand that sometimes, the things that we put our heart and soul into it, its just not enough. And sometimes, its NEVER enough. 

Today, it was our anniversary day. I found out something. He still kept her pictures somewhere and again, I just smile. Trying to build my strong-castle in the middle of the night, with the fact, I don't even have any rocks and cement! I shouted about victory but shamefully, I lose my King. These thoughts, sometimes I feel it, and sometimes I don't. 

Now, you get what I mean?  (=

* I talked to Heet about it, trying to get some words from her that would make me feel better. She then answered me, "who is there to make him happy? It's you. not her. Who's always by his side? It's you. Not her. Who is willing to sacrifice everything and willing to be hurt at all the time as long as he is happy? It's you. Not her. So now, tell me one thing that she would do the best for him? Obviously breaking his heart and that is totally not you!" If this is a 'pop quiz' kinda thang, seriously, I probably will ask if I could use some salt water flowing from my eyes to my bed sheet as the answer, I would.*

I'm stronger than you thought. (=

People always say, "the struggles, the heartaches, and all the pain that you felt make you stronger in your life", but if they make me stronger, then how could I feel like a woodsy little baby dealing with it every single day of my life? 

Am I really stronger or do I just kinda girl who really love to cry everytime hard situations hit me on the face??

*sighing* ...There are some things to ponder. Whatever doesn't kill me will only make me stronger. (Right...) But sometimes, I wonder though. Wondering, how strong I really is, and how long does it takes before my faith fade away? No matter how strong, or how long it is, yet, there's a boundary. 

I started to think because I just heard this song on Youtube, "Life Ain't Always Beautiful" by Gary Allan. Later then, I searched the lyric on Google, and it goes like this. .,

Life ain't always beautiful

Sometimes it's just plain hard

Life can knock you down, can break your heart

Life ain't always beautiful,

You think you're on your way

And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day

But the struggles make you stronger

And the changes make you wise

And happiness has its own way of taking its sweet time

No, life ain't always beautiful

Tears will fall sometimes

Life ain't always beautiful

But it's a beautiful ride

Life ain't always beautiful

Some days I miss your smile

I get tired of walking all these lonely miles

And I wish for just one minute

I could see your pretty face

Guess I can dream but life don't work that way

But the struggles makes me stronger
And the changes make me wise

And happiness has it's own way of taking its sweet time

No, life ain't always beautiful

But I know, I'll be fine

Hey life ain't always beautiful

But it's a beautiful ride

What a beautiful ride.

After I heard this song, its automatically inspired me to become more and even more STRONGER!

Hey, I know I've shade too many tears, but deeply inside this body, beneath my heart, I'm stronger than people may thought. :D

P/S : Dear my beloved bestfriend, Nurul Hijrah Hussien, I simply dedicated this post specially for you. No matter what hits your life, a hurricane even a heavyrain, please remember, that life ain't always beautiful, tabahkan hati ktk, and ingat heet, kmk always ada ngan ktk. sik kira kmk jaoh or dekat, you know where to find me. I LOVE YOU, MY BESTIE! <3  <3  <3

Some online-survey that I took, particularly, just for F-U-N! :D

DEEP IN MY HEART SURVEY

Q : Do you think its a sign of weakness to cry?
A : Nope.

Q : If you could stop time at any moment in your life, what would you be doing when you stopped it?
A : Spend the whole free-time with Muama. HEHE :))))))

Q : Do your parents still treat you as though you are a child?
A : YES!

Q : Have you had a falling out with any of your friends lately?
A : No.

Q : What character in any movie that you like and why?
A : I love Parker in Leverage, not just because she's super-cute but also cool, too. :)

Q : Would you tell someone the harsh truth, even though you know it would make them depress?
A : Err probably, no. I'm not that vain.

Q : Would you ever consider changing your gender?
A : ERGGH! no! Best bah jadi mpuan. Girls awesome, ya know?!

Q : If you could change a part of your life but it would effect your present, would you?
A : Even if what had happened to my life before was damn sucks, but I would never want to change any of it. Everything happen for reasons. :')

Q : What do you think of "emo" style?
A : G-A-I

Q : If you have a time machine, what would be the first year you will visit?
A : Err future? Let me see. What about 2015? Scaryyyyyyyy~

Q : Do you have to like someone to love them?
A : Of course.

Q : What do you consider LOVE should be like?
A : The most sweet, heart-melting feeling, and the happiest feeling that should not harm people who those are crazily in love with their partner. And, Israel people SHOULD learn how to love even more!

Q : When do you want to die?
A : NOW, PEH-LEEZE?!!

Q : Would you want to live forever?
A : Yes, of course, IF life is a fairy tale. 

Q : What is the worst thing that ever happened to you?
A : Last year, 2009. Sikmok klaka hal ya. *sigh*

Q : What is on your mind most today?
A : "where on earth did I put my skinny?"  *wondering*

Q : Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
A : Nope. Just for a certain case.

Q : How many things are you really thinking about right now?
A : Tons. 

Q : Do you like Bush? And was his name even worth capitalizing?
A : a BIG NO! My butt worth more than his name!


Q : Have you cried last night?
A : Negative.

Q : Have you ever called a person useless?
A : Sure, I did! Ainoe is useless. I mean, she's VERY useless. 

Q : Do you usually tell people when they hurt your feeling?
A : No. They don't have to know. :')  Let it be.

Q : Something you just don't get it?
A : Why people fantasizing Eva so much?? As if perangey nya kacak macam muka nya juak. Duhh!

Q : If you're being very quiet, what does it mean?
A : It means, something is bothering my mind. 

Q : Do you believe that everything happen for reasons?
A : Absolutely! I live on it.

Q : Are you there for your friends?
A : Always. I guess. 

Q : Are you a forgiving person?
A : Yes, but I am not a forgetting person. 

Q : Are you a jealous person?
A : Sometimes. It depends. 

Q : How many true friends do you have?
A : Few. I mean, VERY few.